The Girl Genius
by Snowy Mountain
Summary: Several centuries after the fall of Konoha, an immortal Sakura Haruno attempts to travel back in time and change the course of history for the better.  But even after merging with her past self and armed with her future knowledge, can she succeed?
1. Beginning of the End

**Disclaimer:** The series _Naruto_ and the various characters herein don't actually belong to me but Masashi Kishimoto.

**1/18/2008** Updated version, minor corrections and revisions added.

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**The Girl Genius**

Chapter 1: _The Beginning of the End_

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They say that time heals all wounds.

They're wrong though. Physical injuries can heal and fade but the mental ones? Those are a bit more serious and tend to be far too stubborn to simply vanish.

The pain of loss, the grief of losing friends and family and lovers never completely go away. Actually it gets even worse. Time is no healer, no balm to soothe your pain away. Time is a vicious enemy, a sadistic bastard who greedily steals all that it can from you. Your youth, your strength, your family, your friends, your children and grandchildren and more are all ultimately consumed by it. It grinds away, slowly but surely. At least, that's what it seems like to me.

I reflect that perhaps it simply because I have lived too long. I have grown too old. I have watched so many of my precious friends and family grow old and die. The burden of so much loss and death and pain weighs down on me, I feel crushed beneath it so much that it hurts to even breath.

Time weighs down on me. Although one wouldn't guess it looking at me. Despite the centuries that I have lived, I still look in my mid twenties. My hair is untouched by the snow of age, my body is still firm and taunt, my skin is smooth and unlined. But it is all an illusion. A sham. Despite my apparent youthfulness, time has gnawed away at me so much that I feel hollow inside.

I remember when I was barely out of childhood, I encountered a madman whose dream was immortality. He struggled and searched for years what I gained purely by accident. I wonder how he would have reacted to know that immortality is not what's it's cracked up to be.

After a couple of hundred or so years thinking about the whole damn thing I have to come to the conclusion that the ability to die is one of the human race's most precious gifts. It is also perhaps one of our greatest strengths. To die means that humans are constantly challenged and forced to grow, to change, to evolve, to adapt. To become greater than they were before.

I had no idea what it meant to being able to die … until I lost the ability to do so. It has come to the point where it is simply too much for me to bear any longer. To scream "Enough!" although by now, it's more of a whispered prayer and plea for it all to end.

Perhaps that is why I have come here. Back to the beginning. Back to where it all started. This was where I was born. Where I forged my first friendship. Where I first fell in love. Where I first fell out of love. My first kiss. The firsts of so many things, so many events that defined my youth.

It used to be Konohagakure. The Hidden Leaf Village. Once upon a time, it was the strongest and most powerful Hidden Village. Now it was nothing but ruins and rubble that was slowly being reclaimed by the forest.

And yet, not everything was wild and overgrown.

I take in a deep breath and try not to shudder at the huge desolate crater where nothing grows. The ground is fine powder and fused glass.

I wasn't awake when it happened but the survivors told me of the fierce struggle that took place here. Of the terrible shockwaves, of the earth shaking and trembling, of the explosions, and the furious waves upon waves of roiling chakra.

This is where Konoha's loudest and most surprising hyperactive ninja would face his greatest opponent. He had been hated and despised by the very Village he ultimately gave his life to try and protect at the very end. My eyes start brimming with tears as I weep, surprised that centuries after the fact, I still mourn him. That I still remember him so clearly, so fondly.

I turn away and wander through the ruins. Here and there I pause, trying to recognize certain landmarks. The Hokage Tower has collapsed and fallen on it's side. I can still recognize the skeletal beams of the support structure. That pile of rubble used to be the Konoha Hospital where I spent so many hours. I pause, orienting myself and locate my old house. And about a block away is a burnt out shell that used to be a flower shop that I spent hours talking to my best friend and rival. Still more memories come flooding back. Good ones. Bad ones. And I revel in them.

Only a few rotten beams remain of the old bridge where I used to wait with my teammates for our perpetually late Jounin instructor.

The old Ninja Academy is buried under tons of rubble from the partially collapsed mountain. I suspect that the students would have cheered at the sight.

Our old training ground is still mostly intact. Overgrown and weedy but it has remained relatively untouched. I stop and smile remembering our first test as a team took place here. It didn't go so well but at least I didn't get tied up to the training post like my blonde teammate. I chuckle remembering that it took us a few hours to remember that we had left him behind and still tied up. Boy, was he really pissed about that.

I continue on.

I paused at a few sticks of decaying wood and collapsed lumber and recognize this place as the bookstore where my perverted and perpetually tardy Jounin mentor always came to buy his precious reading material. He would have wept if he saw what happened to his beloved bookstore along with their wares.

I shake my head and move onward. I spot a vacant lot that used to be Anko's favorite dango shop. Anko had an obsession about the stuff that bordered Naruto's fondness for ramen. It always amazed me that she could consume as much dango as she did and never put on any weight. Actually I rather envied that.

And speaking of food obsessions, I chuckle as I find another familiar spot marked only by a rusted out, half buried oven which used to be Ichiraku's Ramen Bar.

And over there … I stop, feeling chilled.

It was here.

I recognize this spot intimately. This was where it happened. It was here I lay dying, inflicted with a mortal wound. I could literally feel myself ebbing away, a tearful lavender eyed shinobi trying desperately to heal what she could. To repair what was essentially a mortal injury. I remember trying to work up the strength to tell her not to bother. To concentrate on trying to save the others. But then again Hinata had never been one to give up easily, I smiled fondly at the memory of the painfully shy and perpetually nervous kunoichi with a will of unyielding steel. Even if I had, she would have ignored me.

And then he had come. His blue eyes wide in shock and horror as he stared at my injury. Then he smiled at me. The same goofy grin he had always given me. "I won't let you die. I promise," he told me. The last promise he would ever make. And I remember the crimson flames, the crackling explosion of chakra as he unleashed it. I remember screaming as he poured more and more chakra into me, more than he ever dared to tap before. Then darkness.

I awoke nearly a week later to find Hinata carefully trying to change my clothing one handed while using the other hand to try and shield her eyes from seeing anything too indecent. I always found that aspect of her shyness amusing. I long harbored suspicions that she closed her eyes when she took a bath.

She told me what happened afterwards. Naruto's final sacrifice, the terrible destruction, the forced evacuation of Konoha. And so many deaths. In the end, Hinata and I were the only survivors of the Rookie 9.

Naruto's final gift was an enormous amount of chakra, far more than any normal human possessed but with my enormous control, I could wield it far more effectively than he did. It would be years later before I discovered the side effects.

Ultimately I discovered that I wasn't aging normally. My examinations proved that I was constantly regenerating my cells before they died. Hinata remarked that she was surprised that it had taken me so long to realize it. That was when I looked at her and realized the fine wrinkles that had crept into the corners of her eyes, the strands of white that were sprinkled in her formerly dark hair and realized that time was creeping up on my friend.

As the decades passed and more lines and wrinkles and white hair appeared, I was amazed that she didn't resent that I was retaining my youthfulness. When I asked her about it, she simply patted my hand and said, "I do feel bad about it," she remarked and then smiled sadly, "I feel bad that I'm going to leave you too."

She was right. Although I didn't realize it at the time. I was there at the very end, hearing her wheezing breath and holding her frail hand that was spotted with age. Her breathing became slower and more erratic until finally, she let out a sigh and passed away. Leaving me all alone. The last of the Rookie 9.

She would not be the last one I would lose though. There would be so many others over the centuries. So many. And I remember mourning them all.

I found myself wondering how much longer my extended lifespan would last. How long could I go? What would happen eventually? Would I slowly begin to run down and start to age normally? Or would I simply turn into dust and disappear?

I dismiss these thoughts. It's not as though I will find out. I've grown tired of it all. Tired of living. Tired of it all. For the past few centuries, I spent some time working on and off on this little jutsu. The idea intrigued me. It also scared me. But in the end, I decided that the potential reward is simply too enticing for me not try.

And if it did fail … well, I suppose it wouldn't be too bad either.

Out of sheer whimsy, I decided to emplace the Seal on top of the Hokage Monument.

I've spent decades studying seals. And while ninjas sealed things away in scrolls all the time, most never give any thought to it. But basically what it is a cheat. It's mathematical formulae for folding space and time to create a pocket dimension. Twisting, compressing, spindling space/time to form a bubble in subspace where the object rests in statis.

This particular Seal is hideously more complex. Because I intend to fold time and space and subvert it, folding it again to form a tunnel, a portal into the past to send myself through. However I won't survive. Nothing can. Physical matter would be shredded, their molecules completely ruptured and torn apart.

On the other hand … something nonphysical could survive the transition. Say like … a soul. It would travel back it time and once in the past, I'm relatively sure that the soul will naturally gravitate towards … well itself. To the me who is already alive back then. I think.

Afterwards, theoretically the two souls will … hopefully merge and my knowledge will be implanted in my younger self. Hopefully, armed with information about the future and the various martial and medical techniques that I've spent the past couple of centuries working on, I … well my past self will be able to alter the course of history. I hope.

It's only a theory but I've spent the past century working out the kinks and I'm fairly certain it can work. And like I've said before, if not … well, it doesn't really matter does it?

I stroll around the hexagonal shape I've burned into the rock with a finger surrounded by a razor sharp blade of pure chakra. This has to be absolutely perfect. It has to be. I'll only get one try. I nod, ticking everything off one by one in my mental checklist. I take a deep breath. It's time.

I strip off all my clothes and walk to the center of the hexagon and sit. Nervously, I crack my knuckles and suddenly remember a sharp pain of someone rapping them with a wooden stick.

I glance down and smile faintly as I trace the joints as I remember how Tsunade used to complain about my habit. Loudly.

"It is essential for medical ninja to not only be professional, but appear professional as well," I recall Tsunade waggling the wooden stick like a baton as she pontificates, "it is paramount that the patient remains confident in our ability to treat them. Otherwise, they may panic and resist our attempts to assist them. You cannot appear nervous or uncertain because that is the fastest thing that will undercut your authority!"

Afterwards I would mutter something about at least I didn't drink like a fish or fritter away all my money by gambling. Which usually earned me another sharp rap and a snarled "being a smart ass doesn't help either,".

I realize suddenly that my hands are actually trembling. I take a deep breath and force them to be still. I can't help it. I'm so excited, I'm almost giddy. It's been so long, I can't remember the last time I felt like this. I feel the energies building inside of me as I begin. The entire hexagonal seal begins to glow and I feel the hairs on the back of my hand begin to stand up as I feed more and more chakra into the runes. There is a rumbling sound that I can feel in my very bones.

I close my eyes as the brightest, most brilliant light I have ever seen illuminates the entire mountaintop. I'm dimly aware of the earth heaving, rock splintering and cracking as the entire mountain is being pulverized by the titantic forces I've unleashed. _Oops,_ I giggle, _I broke it._ I've never broken a mountain before. Gotta admit, that's something new, I reflect as suddenly it looks like the sky itself has been ripped apart. _OK, that's new too_.

I gasp seeing the blackness, the pure pitch dark void. Up until now, the only thing that has remained relatively intact from the crumbling mountain has been the area containing the Seal. Now, I see fractures beginning to form as the stresses are beginning to consume even the protective power of the Seal. The illuminated runes begin to flicker and fade and I feel myself being pulled upward into the dark blank emptiness. _This is it,_ I realize.

I wonder if this will actually work or if I've just been deluding myself.

I wonder if I can actually change things or if Fate refuses to be mocked.

I wonder.

_But if this works, if I can see all of them again, then it doesn't matter. That's enough. It's be all worthwhile…_ was Sakura Haruno's last thought before she was swallowed up by the Void, a smile on her face.


	2. Reminiscings & Resurrections

**Preface:** _Many thanks to a surprising number of readers who liked my story and wanted me to continue it. Real life unfortunately has taken a toll on my free time as well as writer's block. I kept writing some drafts but deleting it afterwards as I wasn't happy with them AND then I suffered a computer crash that erased most of it.  
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_I suppose I should also mention that this chapter is a bit darker than the earlier one with scenes of violence, torture, death, rape, and other adult themes. And probably why I had such a hard time writing these scenes as I dislike them._

_This is why I rated this story as MATURE, so if you happen to be uncomfortable with such things, I suggest you don't read any further. I also think that such things are very, _**very**_ bad and most definitely do not approve of such things or those who commit them. This is merely for dramatic storytelling and entertainment. Hope you all like the story._

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Death is the Enemy.

It is Feared. Hated. Despised. It is a cold, cruel, callous, silent, and inhuman monster who lurks in the dark shadows, waiting and watching for the first chance to pounce on you and then drag you away, kicking and screaming into oblivion, never to be seen again.

At least, that's what I believed when I was a child. Adults avoided the topic and changed the subject when I asked. To me it was a mysterious monster; like the boogeyman who hid under my bed and only emerged when the lights were out.

I had no real comprehension of Death. It was something baffling, inexplicable, and unknown. Even though I had lost my father as a baby, I had never really known the man. He was just a face in pictures and some remembered stories passed on by my mother.

Throughout my childhood and my schooling, Death was something distant and remote, it wasn't … it wasn't _**real**_. At least not to me. I knew about it intellectually. But I had never really known anyone who had died personally. I never really been touched by it, never experienced it, never faced it, nor encountered it first hand.

But I would learn what Death truly meant when I became a ninja.

And then I would learn about it all too well.

And it terrified me.

It terrified me so much that I flung myself into my training as a medic nin. Through grueling hours of study and repetitious drills, I learned how the human body is essentially a machine. A crude one constructed out of flesh and bone and blood. And any machine, no matter how well made will inevitably break down. And I would see that happen firsthand over and over again. It was something that ironically, was denied to me. I was forced to watch others expire before me while I did not.

For centuries I railed against Death. Perhaps it was a product of my upbringing which taught me it was to be feared; perhaps it was a result of my medic nin training which taught me to battle it; or perhaps it was a consequence of a lifespan that measured in the centuries which found that dying was rarely a wonderful experience to be treasured.

It's funny but the heroic historical ballads and sappy love stories all speak about _'he died honorably'_ or _'it was a good death'_. Rarely do they mention that it was a _'slow and painful death'_ or _'how they wasted away from some crippling disease' _or_ 'how they watched as their wounds festered and their flesh began to rot' _or_ 'how they voided their bowels when their muscles relaxed upon their death'._

Death can be surprisingly merciful to exceptionally cruel, to suddenly swift to lingeringly slow. It can strip you of your dignity and rob you of your health and vigor, it can be incredibly debilitating and extremely painful. It can come from disease or old age, to injury or accident or by deliberate design, and to some surprisingly stupid ways for someone to die.

Death has a great variety of forms, shapes, and means. In the end, Death is the great equalizer. It doesn't matter if you're a beggar or an emperor, a doctor or a deckhand, a sinner or a saint … no matter what your rank or profession; Death ultimately has the final inexorable word.

It always does.

I have fought Death. Thousands upon thousands of times. So many times that I have pretty much forgotten how many times I have gone up against it. Sometimes winning. Sometimes not. Ultimately though, I found that no matter what I did, no matter how skilled I was—the best that I could hope to accomplish was to buy a meager amount of time from it. I could stall it, delay it, circumvent it in some clever ways—but I couldn't prevail against it. It was remorseless and pitiless. No matter what I could do, Death would win out in the end. It always did. It's only natural after all.

It brings to mind a joke that my old teacher Tsunade once told me in a drunken stupor. "_How do you know that Mother Nature is a woman? Because Nature can be a real Bitch sometimes,"_

Ultimately however, I came to the realization that it was dying that was the hard part. Death is easy. The fine line of distinction between the two often escapes people who equate it as the same thing. But it's not. Our bodies are our masters … and we are their prisoners. Dying is hard. But, Death … Death can be a mercy. It is a release of pain and suffering. And in the end, it doesn't take a genius to kill yourself; actually any fool can accomplish that task.

It's the coming back to life part that is trifle bit more difficult.

And I should know after all…

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**The Girl Genius**

**Chapter 2:**

_Reminiscing__s & Resurrections_

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The last clear thing that I remember was being dragged into the dark abyss in the sky and then … nothing.

I was left floating weightlessly in a vast dark emptiness. Let me tell you, I felt incredibly cheated. After all of the flashy lights and special effects and stuff leading up to the Grand Finale … poof. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip.

I wonder if someone else might find this blank existence disturbing or they might simply go insane. I personally found the whole experience rather relaxing. Even comforting.

If this is where we go when we die, I'm actually extremely relieved. Over the course of several centuries of pain, suffering, hardship, and tragedy I've pretty much had any faith or belief ground out of me.

Religion itself is simply an invention of humanity. A way to explain things. An attempt to rationalize an irrational world. To try and give people some comfort. I rather believe that than believe that what we experience, the events that occur in our life is simply not some sort of mandatory test that someone else decided for us to carry out and whether or not we get a pass or fail.

At the very least, I'd insist on being graded on a curve … but I digress.

I don't know how long I was there. Days. Weeks. Months.

I simply drifted. It felt warm. Comfortable. Even safe. Every once in a while, I tried moving but my arms and legs felt sluggish and unresponsive to my attempts. I floated and after a while images of my life flashed by and I began to remember …

I winced as I saw again the clay figurine I had made when I was five. I was so sure that it was a work of art. Lord, it looked like a fat potato with a pair of stubby feet. Not to mention all of the early kunoichi training that I had been forced to endure. The long and boring scores of poetry that I had to listen to; the dreaded flower arrangement lessons; not to mention the blasted tea ceremony and ridiculous dining etiquette and courtly manners classes.

I never got a straight answer as to why we actually had to learn these absurd things. It hardly seemed like something ninjas would need to know. Some claimed that it was so that we could impersonate sophisticated and cultured noblewomen if necessary. Others proclaimed that if we had to act as bodyguards to any aristocrats, we could actually (or appear to) interact with our patrons without embarrassing ourselves.

And everyone else told me that all of the girls had to do it so shut up, pay attention, and don't ask stupid questions.

Funny how none of the MALES had to do this sort of thing.

I thought I promptly forgot all of this stuff afterwards. Yet now, I could recall them with full and perfect clarity. I was amazed at how much worthless trivia I had managed to soak up in my brain. Impressed even.

More images flooded my mind from my past. Places that I had been. Wonders that I had seen. Faces and friends I had long forgotten. And … and … _wait…_ I gasp in horror. _No! I don't want to remember that! No! I don't want to remember THAT!_

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A scream erupted from my throat and I felt my muscles seize and spasm involuntarily.

"Awake now?" a thin, reedy voice asked.

Panting, I open my eyes to see an old man sitting in a wheelchair. Wrinkles and lines crisscross his face; age spots dot his faded and parched skin. He is bald with a few tendrils of thin white strands poking up here and there from his skull. He is incredibly skeletally thin and bony, his arms and legs look more like thin sticks. And he is wired to the wheelchair, dozens of panels and life support monitoring equipment and dozens of tubes are jammed into his body, even his nostrils have oxygen tubes pumping air into his lungs.

For a second, I wonder just who this geezer is when I spot the long pale scar running down his cheek, bisecting his right eye. It's almost invisible due to the vast wrinkles weathering his face.

_Oh._ I flash a memory to a much younger man whom I gifted with that scar. I thought it actually improved his looks.

He disagreed with me at the time.

I doubt that he's changed his opinion.

"It's been a long time hasn't it, Haruno?"

I coughed weakly and struggle to push more chakra into my limbs but the manacles binding my hands and feet surge, draining my chakra leaving me weak and dangling helplessly in midair.

I say nothing. I know it infuriates him. He scowls as his eyes rake over my naked body. "Look at you…" he hisses. "Nearly eighty years later and you still don't look a day older than when we first met."

I simply smile.

"And look at me…" he chokes staring at his frail, trembling wrinkled hands. "TELL ME!" he shrieks.

"What is it? What is your secret? I must know!" he howls. The various panels begin beeping and protesting. He sags into his chair, panting and gasping. He shivers and moans, "Your secret … what is the secret of your immortality?" he begs in a whisper.

He stares at me for a long moment. I meet his eyes calmly. He doesn't understand. Not now. Not then. I told him once that dying is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to you.

But living forever is even worse.

His cold eyes visibly harden and he stabs a button on his armrest. Energy from the manacles stab out and I arch my back involuntarily as my muscles lock and I scream as I feel my nerves howl in agony and I smell my own flesh cooking and I scream and scream and scream…

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"I can fix this," I whispered as I closed by eyes and spread my palm over the patient's torso and focused my chakra and forced it flow outward, probing. _Reach down! Feel for the injury! _I smiled as I located the tear that was producing the internal bleeding.

It was so simple. Easy enough to fix. I went to work, forcing the tissue to mend together…

"Sakura!" Shizune's voice seized my attention. "Pulse rate is falling sharply!"

My eyes snapped open in surprise and horror at the update. I scowled and redirected the chakra probe and felt the tendrils of my chakra making it's way through the patient's circulatory system. _No, the flow of blood was too slow,_ I could feel my chakra moving sluggishly. "I can fix this," I whisper as I forced my chakra to speed up, forcing open the veins and increasing the blood flow.

"He's going into shock!"

_Damn!_ I redirected my chakra and began to use it to rhythmically massage the seizing heart muscles, trying to stabilize them. "I can fix this…" I whispered as I mentally began counting down the heart beats.

But the heart rate continued to drop no matter what I did. Then it stopped. I froze staring at him in surprise. _No, that wasn't possible!_ Instantly, I reached up and began compressing his chest in rhythm alternating with emergency respiration.

I was aware of Shizune barking orders but I could only focus on the rhythm.

"Sakura."

I blew then continued thrusting on his chest.

"Sakura."

Panting, I looked up and saw the medics moving away. Putting things away. **"What are you doing?"** I screamed, "He's still—"

"Sakura," a new voice cut in. I turned to see Tsunade standing there shaking her head. "He's gone."

I was barely aware as a pair of orderlies came up and covered his body with a sheet as Tsunade pulled me out of the room and sat me down in a chair in the corridor.

"I don't … I don't … what did I do wrong?" I asked weakly, trying to understand.

"Nothing," Tsunade said softly. "You did everything right."

"No, I had to have screwed up somewhere, he died! I—I must have—I must have—" I sobbed.

Tsunade's face looked grave. "It's a fact you're going to have to accept. People and most especially ninjas are going to die. You can do everything right. You can diagnose the ailment correctly, you can administer the treatment perfectly but sometimes … it just doesn't matter. Sometimes they simply die. No matter how skilled you are, no matter how adept or how knowledgeable you are … you simply have to accept that. And move on."

I looked up through tears, "No," I gasp shaking my head, "no, that can't be right…" I choked out in denial.

"You cannot save everyone!" Tsunade snapped.

I stared at her feeling the hot liquid of my tears pouring down my cheeks. Tsunade glared at me and raised a single finger to point at me directly. "You aren't the first medic to lose a patient. And you surely are not going to be last either. Be glad that you didn't fuck up and your patient died because of it. Because if you think you feel bad right now, that's _**nothing**_," she hissed the last word out and jabbed the finger to emphasize her point, "compared to how much of a shit you're going to feel when you _**do**_ screw up and your patient dies because of you. And trust me, you _**are**_ going to screw up. It's human nature.

"It can happen because you misjudged a situation. Or you made a bad call. Or you could be exhausted or you simply missed the diagnosis. And your patient will die," Tsunade snarled with another finger jab.

I mutely stared at her in horror.

"Accept it. Accept it now because it _**will**_ happen. And you will ask yourself if you could have saved their lives. If only you had been a bit faster or a bit smarter or a bit more alert or if you had a bit more time," Tsunade's voice became a soft whisper that somehow managed to echo and reverberate throughout the suddenly far too large corridor.

"And the answer will be _**yes**_. Yes, you could have saved them. But you didn't and you might have done your best, but they're _**still**_ dead and nothing can change that. Worse, you'll ponder it. You'll agonize over it. You'll replay it in your head over and over. And you will have all of the invaluable benefits of hindsight and all of the time in the world to think about the decisions you might have only had seconds to make. And you will see exactly _**where**_ you screwed up."

Sakura gagged and clutched her chest with her blood stained hand.

Tsunade's hand moved up and the finger flicked upward. "Rule number one is that people die. Sometimes by accident, sometimes by design, by disease, by old age, or any one of a thousand different ways," Tsunade said harshly.

Then she flicked out a second finger and in a softer and gentler tone of voice she added, "Rule two is that medic nins can't change rule number one. No matter how much we might like to," she said, her nostrils flaring in anger and pain as she looked away, moisture glinting her eyes. "Accept that. Accept that now … or find some other damn line of work."

I simply sat there, numb, in shock. Learning was always so easy for me. I read, I studied, I simply absorbed the knowledge. It was so effortless for me. I reveled in it. Until now. Until I ran into this lesson. It was just too much. Too difficult to wrap my head around. Too hard to accept.

But the lesson wasn't over yet.

I heard Tsunade speaking to Shizune. "Make sure she gets cleaned up. She still has to finish the rest of her shift."

"Wha—?" Shizune's head snapped around to stare at Tsunade in shock. "B—but, Tsunade-sama! This—this is the first patient that Sakura-chan has ever lost! She should take some time—"

"She can. _**After**_ she finishes her shift." Tsunade barked.

"B—but—"

"You're not here to coddle her Shizune. She's not a child. She finishes her shift. Then she can leave. Not before."

Shizune's mouth worked soundlessly for a few seconds before her chin firmed and her brow lowered. "This is cruel!" she reprimanded.

"Life _**is**_ cruel! Especially on the battlefield!" Tsunade shot back. "What if she collapses because she finds out that she can't handle a patient dying? What about the next five or ten patients afterwards who need her, but don't get treated because she needs time to get her head together? We can't afford that. _**They**_can't afford that! Get her up, slap her if you have to, but she _**stays.**_ This is our job. To test her. To stress her. To see if she has what it takes or if she breaks. I can't afford to waste any more time on her if she can't handle it and neither can you."

Shizune bowed her head. Her fist clenched and her arm trembled and slowly nodded. "Yes, Tsunade-sama," she said quietly.

I listened as the sound of Tsunade's wooden sandals clip clopping away. There was silence for a long moment and then I heard Shizune clear her throat. "You heard?"

"Yes," I said hoarsely.

Shizune seemed to grope for something to say. Finally she said, "I'm sorry Sakura."

I said nothing. I couldn't think of anything to say as I absently wiped the moisture running down my cheeks and stared at them, suspecting that they wouldn't be the last tears I would shed. And deep down, traitorously in my heart of hearts, I knew it wouldn't be…

* * *

I was fighting a concussion as I felt the male ninjas wrapping wire around my arms and even my neck, anchoring me down. I concentrated on trying to breath and focus my chakra but I already know that I don't have any left. Then one of them pulls out a kunai.

"You can torture me," I snarl, "but I'm not going to talk."

They all start laughing. Despite my bravado, I start to feel slightly wary at the looks they're giving me. They start by slicing off my clothes. I begin a meditation formula to control my fear and to detach myself emotionally from the proceedings. It was all part of the standard ninja training. But my detachment falters when they cut off my underwear as well. I wasn't expecting that.

One of them leers, "Well what do you know. That pink hair really is her natural color!"

They start laughing and I struggle not to flush in embarrassment. I start a second formula when the leader begins to remove his own clothing. I lose my focus at that. Horrified realization hits me. Somehow though, I manage to resist screaming. Maybe it's shock. Maybe it's fear.

But my control breaks when he thrusts himself into me and I squeal in pain and outrage. He chortles and I screw my eyes shut and try to ignore the stench of his sweat, the feel of his bare skin on mine, the laughter of the others watching this violation.

"This bitch is real tight boys!" he informs them with another thrust. Finally, after agonizing minutes, he grunts and I can feel him releasing his seed. He pants and removes his flaccid organ from me and I can't restrain a sob, I want to curl up and die. I feel ashamed. Dirty. Then I hear something that reawakens all of the horror in me. "So who's next?"

Each of them takes their disgusting turn with me. I realize after the fourth one that they're actually getting turned on by my struggles. _These sick bastards are enjoying this!_ I whimper and do my best to lie there and not react to them as I feel tears leaking out of my closed eyes.

I choke as the latest one erupts in me. Then his chest explodes in a shower of blood and gore as a viper shoots through his chest cavity. The other ninjas all scream and cry out in surprise as Anko Mitarashi lands in a crouch a few feet away. It's still a bit of jolt to see her scarred visage. I remember when I first met her. She was gorgeous. No longer. Not since the Fall of Konoha.

Her right arm is gone and the right side of her face is heavily scarred. Her right eye is also missing and covered with an eyepatch but her numerous injuries have only slightly diminished her skills. Out of the empty sleeve of her trenchcoat, three new snakes erupt forth, two of them lunge forward, wrapping around the arms of another ninja to immobilize them while the third one swiftly entwines itself around his neck and with a hiss, buries it's fangs into the man's carotid artery, injecting it's neurotoxin. He was dead even before he could hit the ground.

Anko didn't even pay any attention as she drew her kodachi and then the screaming began again as blood and body parts flew as she strides into the group of rapists, dealing death and mayhem…

* * *

I feel my stomach dropping out within me as I find myself staring at the young kunoichi, her flaming nodachi impaled on the screaming young boy, barely a novice ninja. She snarls and flings him away with a casual flick of her blade. The nodachi is a blur as she initiates the Third Form of the Raging Wave.

I counter with Seventh BreakWater Stance. She whirls into the Crushing Undertow and then the Vast Cascading Rampage. I evade the strikes, allowing myself to flow around them and countering with skillful blocks and parries. The sparks fly, as our swords clash and they illuminate her eyes that are filled with madness and hate.

I channel more chakra into the metal blade, feeling it struggling to maintain it's cohesion against the massive heat eating away at its solidity.

"Fight me!" she roars.

I avoid her next flurry of sword strikes. I can't help but feel dismay at her wild swings and blows and resist the instinctive urge to chide her about her lack of form.

Instead, I seek a disabling nerve strike to render her immobile but alive. She senses the unavoidable chakra build up and my chakra forged needle shoots out through empty space that she just vacated. With a contemptuous swat of her nodachi, she shatters it. Despite her anger and rage, she hasn't completely abandoned her defense, I realize. "None of your tricks!" she howls in fury.

"I don't want to fight you Sora…" I beg her.

She stiffens and growls, "Liar."

I gulp convulsively. "Sora, please…"

She shrieks and lunges forward, her sword nothing but a flashing flurry of steel. "Don't talk to me! Don't you ever talk to me again!" she spits out as she hammers away at my blocking sword. "You're nothing but a liar!" she shrieks. She pauses, gasping, her limbs trembling from the strain of her wild assault. "I loved you!" she hisses, tears streaming down her cheeks, "I loved you so much!"

I feel my heart break with sorrow. "I love you too…"

"Then how … how could you not tell me!" Sora chokes out, biting her lower lip so hard that a rivulet of blood begins to trickle down her chin. "How could you?" she gasps, "You killed my father!"

I say nothing. _What could I say? It was the truth after all._

"What was it? Some sort of sick joke?" she cries. "Raise the daughter of the man you murdered?"

"No," I whisper softly, shaking my head. "He asked me to. It was a last request."

Sora shakes her head in disgust. "How can I believe anything you say!"

She staggers forward, her blade raised high, tears running down her face. Her stance was laughable. Her attack was easily the simplest, the most basic of strikes. She had abandoned all thought of defense or evasion. It would be so easy to deflect it. Even a child could block it. It would be so effortless to sidestep and avoid the blow. It would be so easy. So easy. But somehow I couldn't … I couldn't move. My feet felt like lead. My sword felt so heavy that I couldn't raise it to deflect the killing blow.

I almost miss them. I was so distracted, so focused on Sora and Sora alone, I barely realized the rapid approach of my students. "Sakura Sensei!" I heard Genta yell as he crashes through the thicket. Sora jumps back in surprise as well, the nodachi twitches as she brings it outward in an arc to cut Genta in twain.

**THUNK!**

Blood sprays onto my face. I stare at Sora. She blinks and looks down at the blade impaled in her torso before she collapses in a crumpled heap.

I stare down at my trembling hands stained with the blood of my adopted daughter in disbelief. In shock. In horror. _What was it? Instinct? Training? I couldn't defend myself but I could defend my student? I don't know. I do know that the wound is fatal. Too much damage. She's dying. My daughter … _my child_ is dying._ I stagger to her fallen body and drop to my knees and cradle her in my arms. "Sora…"

"I hate you …" Sora whimpers, "…you're a liar … you're nothing …" she coughs, spitting up blood, "…but a liar…"

I burst into tears as I reach out and stroke her face, mindlessly cleaning the tears and blood staining it.

"I feel … so cold …" she whispers.

"It's all right," I say softly.

"… it's so dark … I can't see…"

"I'm here Sora," I whisper, clutching her hand. I can feel her trying and failing to squeeze it. Her strength is fading fast now.

"… i'm scared Momma…"

"It's all right baby, Momma is here," I croon to her as I stroke her hair like I used to do after she woke up from a nightmare. "Momma's here…" I choke out as I hug the little girl I raised as my own daughter dies in my arms…

* * *

I scream out a warning, flinging up my arm. But it's too late. Kazuya looks down surprised at the tripwire. He looks up at me, "Saku—"

**BOOM!**

The shockwave of the explosion smashes into me. I ignore it, instinctively channeling chakra into my legs to anchor me. I charge into the source of the detonation and find the broken and mangled body that had once been my lover.

His legs are gone, I can see shrapnel and he gasping, trying to breathe. Trying to live. Struggling to live. He looks at me, wheezing, "I—it's ba—bad, is—isn't it."

"N-no, not too bad," I utter, aware of the slight catch in my voice. I hope he missed it but I can see the flash in his eyes that he didn't.

"Such a l—lousy liar Sakura-chan," Kazuya grunts, grinning.

I flinch instinctively at the nickname.

He smiles crookedly. "Y-you know … you never told me."

"About what?"

"Why you don't like being called that."

I continue to try and feed more chakra into his nerves, trying to soothe his overloaded pain receptors, trying to ignore the question, trying to catalogue his condition. Massive blood loss, shock, internal damage and … and …

"I don't…" I whisper hoarsely bowing my head, "… I don't like to be called that."

"I know you don't. You nearly ripped my head off the first time I did. What I don't know is why."

"It reminds me of someone," I said at last. "A very special someone."

"Oh? One of your previous lovers? Don't worry, I'm not jealous or anything … I just … wanted to know…" his voice is growing fainter and fainter. He gasps, "Give me mercy Sakura."

"…no…" I whisper.

He choking, trying not to scream. I continue to try and feed more chakra into his nerves, trying to soothe his overloaded pain receptors. "Th—they're coming. Y—you know th—they are. Do it."

I open my mouth to argue. To object. To say something. Anything. Nothing comes out. _What can I say? What can I do? He's right. I know he is. And he knows he is. And he knows that I know it too. This is all that I can do for him. To ease his pain. To relieve his suffering. All of my medical knowledge. All of my centuries of experience. And this is all that I can do._ I shakily untie his forehead protector and brush the center of his brow with a glowing finger.

His eyes close. His ragged breathing stop. I can feel his arrhythmic pulse fading.

I can not weep.

Not yet.

Because he's right. They're coming. And I know what I have to do next. And I have little time to do it in.

They land in a standard diamond formation, their weapons drawn. Searching. I can feel one of them send out a chakra pulse. The energy sweeps over me but it doesn't react to my presence. I would smile slightly if I wasn't in a deep meditative trance; my breathing, body temperature, heart rate, and chakra levels are so slow that they wouldn't even be detected by a regular medical scan.

Then one of them spots Kazuya's mangled body. Three of them approach it while the last one hangs back, covering them. Perfect textbook approach. Of course, that also makes them predictable.

"Looks like the bastard was standing right on the explosive array," one of them comments.

"Check him. See if he's carrying anything important."

"Why do I always get to search the corpses?" the first one protests but I hear him leaning down and him unsnapping some of the pouches.

"Nothing, nothin—SHIT!" he screams in surprise as he peeled open a pocket and finds the explosive tag I planted.

**BOOM!**

I drop my cloak and rush out … and I remember.

"_We are but tools," I remember Kakashi Sensei lecturing, "even in Death our bodies can still be used. If my death can be used as a distraction to save my teammates, then it is my duty." I look at him in horror as he gazes at me meaningfully. _

"_This is all I can do," he whispers, giving me one of his patented eye smiles as I shakily extend my remaining explosive tags to him as he straps them to the others covering his body. _

"_We are Ninja. Shinobi. Living Weapons," he reminds me. "There is nothing to be afraid of. No dishonor in this. No shame. No disgrace."_

"_This is suicide!" I protested._

_Kakashi stiffens and his calm smile dissipates. "Suicide," he says grimly, "is about wasting your life. It's about giving up. Nothing more. Nothing less. This is about _**saving**_ lives. If I can save my comrades, if I can even buy them a second, then it's all worthwhile."_

_He is silent for a long moment as he looks at me and reaches up to push up his slanted headband to reveal his Sharingan Eye. "You'll understand. One day. You always were a good student, Sakura."_

_And then in a rush of leaves and wind, he was gone. I never had a chance to say goodbye. To say that I was sorry. To thank him. To say all of those things I thought I'd have a lifetime to tell him. _

I flash forward. Four targets. One is down, victim of my explosive decoy tactic. I remind myself that Kazuya would have wanted it like this. _He would have wanted it like this. Hopefully if I tell myself that enough times, I might even begin to believe it. _

Two and Three were caught by the outskirts of the explosion. They are temporarily blinded and deafened. Two looks like he might have minor shrapnel injuries. Three has third-degree burns. I dismiss them as secondary targets.

Four on the other hand, was their Cover and thus standing well outside the explosive radius. He's still in stunned surprise at the explosion. He'll recover in a moment and realize he's a sitting duck. It's already too late though as I thrust my stiffened fingers into his neck and unleash a chakra blade to sever his spine between the C1 and C2 vertebrae. He doesn't have time to scream as his legs collapse under him, unable to respond. Even if he somehow manages to survive this, he'll never walk or talk again. He'll be lucky if he can blink.

Two is my next target. I deliver a sharp chakra-reinforced blow to his torso. His heart implodes in his chest cavity. He staggers and clutches himself in surprise. Blood pours out of his ears and nose and finally out of his tear ducts before he topples over.

Three has enough time to realize that his other teammates are dead. He pulls out a kunai. I grab his fist and tighten my grip. He howls as his bones pop and snap as I crush his hand. Almost dismissively, I jerk his mangled hand up and impale his forehead with his own kunai.

I ignore Three's death throes as he gurgles and dies, soiling himself as his sphincter muscles relaxes on his death. I stare instead at the crater with the mangled remains of Kazuya.

It should be easy after all of these centuries. To see my friends and lovers pass away. To watch them die. It should be easy. _It must get easier,_ I tell myself as tears begin to leak down my cheeks as I sob. _It must… it must…_

* * *

Konoha is under attack. I can hear screams and the clash of steel nearby. But I can't deal with that right now. Right now, my lungs are burning as I involuntarily inhale the poisonous cloud. I stumble out of the noxious mist and fall to my knees as I try to tap my chakra and utilize a medic nin technique for extracting toxins from the bloodstream and apply it to myself.

I'm too busy coughing and choking to defend myself as the pair of enemy nins approach to finish me off.

I raise my arm to try and ward off the death blow I know is coming when suddenly his companion stiffens and rams his sword into his comrade's neck. I cough and stare at him in confusion.

The ninja withdraws his sword and smirks at me, "I always got to watch over you, don't I, Forehead Girl."

Realization dawns on me. _Ino._

My retort is interrupted by my sudden urge to lean over and vomit. I hack and try and spit out as much of the poison as I can. I wipe my lips with the back of my hand. I am in dire need of a drink of water to rinse my mouth out.

The possessed ninja recoils, "Ewww. Gross."

Then I feel it. The surge of chakra, the foreboding sense of raw malevolence that presses down on me. "What the Hell is that!" Ino blurts out as her possessed body whipped around in shock, "Some kind of genjutsu?"

I close my eyes in pain. In sorrow. "Sasuke-kun," I whisper.

Suddenly the ninja stumbles, gasping and presses a hand against his chest.

I start and lean down, "Ino?"

The ninja is pale and sweating. "Think this is it … I … I can't look after you anymore … Forehead Girl," he grunts.

"What's wrong?"

"In—inhaled some of that poison too."

I gape. No. This can't be. "I … I …" I stutter.

He grunts and sags, "Ca—can't … can't hold 'im. S—sorry 'bout 'is."

"Sorry?" I screamed at Ino, clutching him, "Ino! Where are you? I can—I can—!"

Then he blinks and his eyes snap back into focus. "Wha—what was that?" he jerks around, confused.

I scream. In rage. In **hate**. For the first time I understand Sasuke. For the very first time, I understand what it means to truly hate someone so much that I want them dead at my hand.

I hated Zabuza. I hated Gaara. And Orochimaru. And Kabuto. And Sasori. And even Hidan. But I hated them as they were my enemies and they were trying to kill me and my friends. I hated them for their despicable actions. Their depravity and savagery and inhumanity.

But if they had walked away … I would not have followed them. I would have been willing to let them go.

But this nameless ninja, him—I want to kill him. I want to rip him apart with my bare hands. I want to choke him, to hear him wheeze and gasp for breath. I want him to suffer. _But I can't. I have no time._ Instead, I drive my fist forward. I see his head explode from the impact of my chakra-enhanced blow; showering me in bone, brain matter, and gore. He topples over.

I pant heavily as I gaze at his headless body. I mentally recite the 25th Rule. _A ninja does not cry. A ninja does not show tears. We cannot afford to. We cannot show emotions. Out there, my fellow Konoha ninjas might desperately need a medic nin. It is my duty to rush out there and help. I might be all that saves someone's life. It is my duty._ Then I close my eyes and feel hot liquid coursing down my cheeks. _Ino … Ino is dead… my best friend is dead…_

* * *

I'm standing ankle deep in water. I am … in a cave? No … a sewer? There are gigantic iron bars running in parallel rows. _I … I don't remember this … where is this?_

"**Well, well. So, you've finally decided to visit. How nice,"** a thunderous voice rumbles.

"Wha—"

A pair of large orbs appear in the darkness. It takes me a second to realize that I am looking at a pair of eyes. A pair of very large eyes. A gash splits open beneath them, revealing rows upon rows of sharpened fangs. **"Hello, you pathetic hairless monkey."**

_Oh Kami__._ I take a step backwards in shock. "KYUUBI!"

"**HARUNO!"** the demon barks back. And then in a more conservational and sarcastic tone of voice inquired, **"Were you expecting someone else?"**

"Wh—what is this? Where am I? Is—is this Hell?"

"**Please,"** the Kyuubi snorted. **"I should be so lucky. No. This is all you. Your past. Your memories, you stupid bald ape."**

Lazily the huge fox rolled to it's feet and strolled back and forth behind it's cage.** "You saw your death and you remembered your life. Some of it was good. Some it was bad. But the moments that you remember … the things that you recall the clearest and with the greatest clarity … are the moments of your greatest **_**pain**_**,"** it's grinning muzzle grew wider and wider with each word, savoring them.

"Then—then why are you here? This isn't—"

"**I suppose you could think of me as an echo. A lost fragment from the blonde meatbag. Trapped in this dismal emptiness you call your brain!"** the Kyuubi snarled, losing it's casual pose. Then it seemed to regain control of itself. **"You really should think about dusting or tidying up the clutter,"** it remarked with a disdainful sniff.

"**Ever heard the phrase, **_**'your life passes right before your eyes?'**_**. This is similar. Is this Death? Is this the end of all things? You don't know. But deep down, you hope it is,"** his deep voice became a soft whisper, **"You pray that it is. After all, if that jutsu didn't work, if not even that can kill you then perhaps nothing can. Perhaps you are indeed immortal. Perhaps …"** and the demon fox's voice dropped several octaves as he hissed, **"…you are indeed **_**damned**_** to live forever."**

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

The Kyuubi threw back it's head and laughed and laughed, it's chuckles reverberated and echoed throughout the dark cavern.

"That's always been your problem damn fox. You always looked down at humans at being beneath you but you're not that much evolved beyond us either," a new voice cut in.

The Kyuubi reared back and glared at the young man standing there and growled. **"Namikaze."**

The blonde teenager with whisker tattoos adorning his cheeks grinned widely and waved, "Hi Sakura-chan!"

* * *

Sakura gaped at the sight of a boy she had thought dead for over seven centuries. "N-na-naruto?" she whispered.

Naruto gave her a nod. "Good to see you again Sakura-chan. It's been a while."

"Is … is this you? I mean, are you really here?"

"No," Naruto said sadly shaking his head. "Just like Furball here," he jerked a thumb at the gigantic cage and got a menacing growl and a futile swipe in return, "I'm just a shadow of the original. When I gave you my chakra, I involuntarily left an imprint of myself and Fuzzy behind."

"Why Naruto? Why did you save me? Why couldn't you have let me die?" I choked out.

A look of sadness washes over his face as he looks at me seriously. "I thought about dying lots of time when I was kid. Who would miss me if I was gone?"

Sakura bowed her head, ashamed that she had never had suspected her former teammate having such thoughts, never having imagined that Naruto had ever dreamed of killing himself. "Why didn't you?" she whispered.

Naruto grinned as he rocked back on his heels, "I asked the Old Man once. I was crying. It hurts, I remember telling him. It hurts so much," he whispered. "And he got down on his knees and hugged me and he said_, 'I would miss you Naruto, don't ever forget that,' _and then he started crying too."

She was silent as she absorbed that statement.

"Life is always hard," Naruto said a shrug, "It's full of pain and sorrow and loss. If you're hoping for perfection … you're bound to be disappointed. Because no one's life is ever perfect," Naruto stated sadly. "On the other hand, if you never experienced pain, then how can you know what joy feels like? If you never experienced sorrow then how can you know what happiness is?"

"I—I—I'm not like you Naruto! I'm not strong!" Sakura wept.

"Strong? Me?" Naruto looked puzzled. "I never really thought of myself as being strong Sakura."

I sobbed into his chest, clutching him tightly, "No … you're wrong …"

"What? Just because you cry? Hey, remember the time we were leaving Wave? I bawled like a baby," he said lightly before his voice turned solemn. "Someone really strong could protect his precious people. Someone strong could have saved Haku. Or the Old Man. Or even Asuma and Kakashi Sensei. Could have stopped Sasuke from defecting. Could have even saved Konoha."

I looked up at him tearfully, "No … no … you saved so many people Naruto… you … you saved me…"

He grinned widely at me. "And what about you Sakura?" and gestured behind me.

I blinked and turned and saw hundreds upon hundreds of men and women. I suddenly recognized one of them. Gallbladder cholesteolosis. I warned that idiot about eating so much red meat.

My eyes flicked to another one and identified him as well. Renal failure due to long term overexposure to poisonous toxin. Another idiot that I warned about drinking alcohol excessively.

Then, small cell lung carcinoma. Colossal idiot who believed that smoking was 'perfectly safe'. I remembered them because I so rarely ever got to diagnose such trivial medical diseases or afflictions. As a medic nin, most of the things I saw was battlefield trauma which ranged from common physical injuries to the more exotic poisonings.

Like him. Trauma to the thoracic cavity and inferior vena cava by sharpened metal weapon, ie. kunai. Or her. Puncture wound to flexor carpi radialis impinging on the medial epicondyle of the humerus by senbon needle and infected with a biologically extracted necrotoxin.

"How many have you saved? Hundreds? Thousands? Millions?"

"It doesn't matter!" I scream, tears leaking down my face. "So I saved them! So what? It doesn't matter! None of it matters!" I spat as I turn my gaze on the ranks of my dead. Oh so many of them. "They might have lived a little longer! But that's all! In the end, what good did I do? All I did was just prolong things! It didn't do any good! It doesn't matter!"

He looked at me with a blank expression and shook his head, "Geez, and you call me dumb Sakura…" he teased.

Despite myself, I feel a righteous sense of anger growing in me, the urge to whack him on the head was overwhelming. _What was it about the boy that induced this urge in me…_

"Everybody dies Sakura. It's a fact of life. It's only natural. That's why it's so much more important in how we live. What we do with the time we have. You bought them time. Time to laugh and love, to cry and share things. When somebody dies, they don't just disappear. They leave behind family, friends, and lovers. They leave behind their unrealized dreams and unachieved goals. Important things. Childish things. If you're lucky, you mattered. If you're very lucky, you made a difference in somebody's life. And that somebody will make a difference in somebody else's. And the next. And so on and so forth.

"Just because they died, doesn't mean that their lives didn't have meaning. That they weren't important. Everybody matters, Sakura. Everybody."

I blink away my tears and look back to the ranks of my dead. For the first time, I don't feel them as dead weight trying to drag me down. Instead, they seem to buoy me. I whisper, "When did you become so wise Naruto…"

"Oi! Whattaya mean?" Naruto mock-scowled, "You act like I'm an immature blockhead or something!"

I grin. "Thank you Naruto."

He leaned back and folded his arms behind his head and gave me that familiar, cheeky grin. "You're not alone Sakura. You've never alone. You've taken their fire, their dreams, their spirits with you. You can't stop now. You can't quit. Not now."

Naruto is becoming fainter and more transparent. I can barely hear him now. "Fight Sakura. And show 'em all your Spirit of Fire…"

* * *

I see my life. A kaleidoscope of battles, of campaigns, and wars. But little peace.

* * *

I tighten my grip on the reins and whip my sword forward. "CHAARGEE!" I scream, spurring the horse to gallop. I hear the answering scream and the thundering of thousands of hooves as the army follows me into the jaws of death…

* * *

I instinctively reach out, using chakra to anchor myself to the tilting deck as the leviathan circles back, eager to take another bite of the sinking ship. I flinch as I see the huge mouth open with rows upon rows of teeth…

* * *

I cough in the choking dust as I blindly fumble around, feeling rock and stone and rumble. Finally, I find my pouch and rummaging around, I bring out a tag and activate it with a brief surge of chakra. It ignites, illuminating the tunnel and the huge slabs of rock burying me and I realize that I've been buried alive…

* * *

I stare upward as the archers let loose their bows, launching thousands of their barbed arrows at us. There is too many of them, they literally momentarily blot out of the sun…

* * *

I'm falling. I stare at the bubbling cauldron of lava rushing towards me. I feel the heat increasing. It would be so easy. To give up. To allow myself to be consumed in the fiery inferno of the volcano. It would be a good death. Clean. Simple.

But not good enough.

I grimace and feed chakra to my arms and flex. I wince as the wires tighten, resisting my efforts. I sigh. It used to be a lot easier a century ago and before they created this damn ninja-proof wire.

The metal cables wrapped tightly around me is now standard issue for binding ninjas with their ability to absorb chakra and thus disrupt any ninjutsu that the ninja might try to employ.

This was going to be messy. A lot messier than I would like. I continue to apply pressure and bite back a howl as the metal cord bites through my flesh, blood erupting as it cuts through my skin. I feel it digging deeper through the muscle fibers and then through bone itself and back out as I heal myself.

I casually flip the now loose chakra dampening cable aside and begin focusing my internal energies for my next trick…

* * *

The screams and the booming roars of the new "guns" were tapering off. I scowled and picked up speed, hurtling through the underbrush.

I burst through the last scraggy bushes and came onto a scene from hell. I gaped at the sight of dozens upon dozens of my ninjas lying scattered around the grassy plain, blood soaking the field.

I felt a cold rush of rage flowing through my veins as I turned and glared at the group of soldiers wielding the new projectile weapons. Chakra flooded my body, coursing through my limbs and I blurred forward, moving so fast that it appeared that I had disappeared. Then I was among them…

* * *

The air pressure buffers me as the train thunders down the track at high speed. I minimize my profile and whip myself into a forward flip evading the snarling energy blasts that lances through the air.

I land in a crouch and glare at the seven foot tall mechanoid with it's spidery thin limbs that look deceptively frail but are stronger than titanium. The wind whistled through my hair as the train thundered down the track. _**"I am the future Sakura Haruno!"**_ it's flattened, artificial voice box intoned in a monotone voice.

"You're going to be _history,_ when I'm finished with you," I retorted and then launched myself forward only to have my fist intercepted by one of its claw-like manipulators.

"_**I already calculated you would respond with a witty repartee followed by a forward assault. A**__**n 87 percent probability that it would be a right jab, favoring your dominant hand. You organics are so predictable,"**_ the advanced machine-puppet remarked conversationally as it casually tightened its grip; crushing the 27 bones in my hand and I scream in pain as it continues, _**"and you are obsolete…"**_

* * *

I glare at him in hate as I grip his skull tighter. He shrieks in pain as my fingers dig into the flesh and I can feel the bone start to crack under my unrelenting pressure. Blood is oozing out of his eyes and ears. He pleads for his life, "S—sa—ku—" he chokes out.

I growl, "I did promise, _'until death do us part'_."

With a roar, I slam my hands together turning my husband's head into pulp…

* * *

I gasp in the cold thin air and stumble forward, shivering uncontrollably as the arctic winds and snow cut through my all too thin clothing. A sheet of ice is forming around the fabric, I can hear it snapping and cracking with every step I take. _It's so cold…_ I stagger and collapsed in a dead heap, my consciousness fading away fast.

_It's so cold … I can't … I can't feel my feet … I can't feel my hands … I can't … I can't feel anything …_

**Get up.**

_No, I don't want to. I'm so tired. I'm so tired, I already been through this before and I didn't like it the first time._

**You have to get up and fight. Fight to survive. It's your only chance.**

_No. I can't._ I feel my eyelids fluttering.

"You have to," a familiar voice says. I turn, looking at the ghostly figure of a girl long dead. "Hinata…" I mumbled.

She smiles at me. "You've come so far. You have no idea how far you've come Sakura."

I close my eyes, feeling my eyelashes begin to stick together from the freezing tears.

"I thought you were going to see us again Forehead Girl," a cocky voice remarks and I see a familiar figure flip her long blonde ponytail over one shoulder.

"Ino…" I whisper.

"I should never have taken you on as an apprentice," a low voice snarls. "I always knew that you were weak! That you didn't have what it took to be a medic nin, much less a ninja! You're nothing but a quitter!"

_Tsunade-Sensei…_

I don't even have the strength to whisper or mumble. Instead I close my eyes. I feel … I feel so tired. So sleepy.

Then I feel something else. A malevolent chakra spiking. I look up despite myself to see the damn fox sitting there, his mouth stretched out and showing it's sword-like teeth.

"**Centuries of existence as an immortal chakra entity … and I still find myself astounded by your race's sheer stupidity****," **it says in a jeering voice.** "I would have thought that you would have better developed brains compared to the rest of your insignificant race! Look at you! Is this as far as you can go? So much for your 'Will of Fire'. I knew it, you're nothing but a pathetic weakling!"**

I growl as I feel anger flooding my system and I lever myself up. "Don't." I snarl.

"**Don't? ****You ISOLENT BRAT! How DARE you give the Great Kyuubi no Kitsune orders!"**

"A shadow! An echo! A memory!" I sneered back. "You have no power over me!" I rage.

"**NO POWER?" **the Kyuubi bellows. **"THIS—" **several of the gigantic tails snap out and slam down, causing ice to splinter and a roaring snowstorm to whip up. **"—IS ALL A SHADOW! A MEMORY OF YOUR PAST! AND IT STILL HOLDS POWER! SUCH POWER THAT YOU ARE LOST IN IT! TRAPPED!"**

I flinch at that as I realize that he's right. Damn him.

"**You ****escaped this pitiful place by learning how to fuse your chakra over three hundred years ago! And three hundred years later and you're back here! Again! Stuck here! This is why your entire failure of a race should do the universe a favor and strangle yourselves while you're still newborns!"**

I frown and bring my hands together in a Ram Seal. "HII-YAAAHHH!" I shriek, chakra mixing and merging together and I'm surrounded by a crackling field of energy that races around my body.

"**So … you remember.**** At last." **Kyuubi growls, shaking his head.

"I remember," I grit out.

I turn and stalk away, ignoring the cold and snow…

* * *

I see my past all over again. My triumphs. My failures. My lovers. My enemies. My moments of joy. My moments of pain. I see the lives I touched. I see the lives that I ended. I see hope. And I see despair. Where it went right. And where it went wrong. All of the beauty and the terror and everything else…

* * *

And then it was over.

I stumbled and found myself right back where it all began.

The Void.

I blinked as I found myself on the threshold of the now truly immense abyss. I swallowed, realizing that it had to be miles wide. The sound—the roaring of it all was deafening. Mind numbing.

I swiveled in place and stared in awe as I could see everything being torn loose and being swallowed up into the ever widening maw. I saw rocks, trees, buildings, and even people all being dragged into the Void, swirling and turning as they were pulled into it like going down a drain. And it was far from the only things. I blinked as I saw clouds tumbling into the inky blackness and even oceans being drained dry. Faster and faster, everything swirled around … being torn asunder, churned and devoured like a last meal.

Until I was all that was left. A last morsel. Something to be savored.

I saw reality was beginning to fold in upon itself as even the gigantic void was beginning to feed upon itself now, in a bizarre sort of cannibalistic frenzy. Like all it knew was how to feed and now all it had to feed on was itself.

Even the light was growing dim, dimmer, fading out.

I felt myself being pulled into the Void as well. It tugged insistently at me. I knew instinctively that this was The End. This was the peace that I had sought for so many centuries; my suffering, my pain, my life was finally coming to an end.

And some small part of me, some small voice wondered that perhaps that this is for the best.

Because the only thing worse than dying … is living forever.

No matter what some people believe. I should know after all…

I took a hesitant, trembling step forward … and then another…

"**So you've finally accepted it, you hairless monkey …"** a maddeningly familiar voice drawled from nearby.

"WHAT THE FUCK! I can't escape you even now?" I yelled as I glare at the smirking Kyuubi, sitting a few feet away.

"**I'm overwhelmed truly. Like this is how I wanted i****t to end. Stuck with a barely shaved monkey at the very end of it all,"** the damn fox remarked as he reached up with a hind leg to scratch an annoying itch behind his ear.

"**Still … I suppose you're hardly the**** worst of companions at the End,"** it admitted and then in a softer mutter, **"I could have been stuck with the blonde idiot. Now that would have been an eternal torment."**

I turn away. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. And yet … and yet …

And yet … I never knew my father.

Not really. He had died when I was just a baby. It bothered me growing up. Seeing other kids with a father and a mother and knowing that I only had one. Knowing that I was missing that piece.

All I had to hold onto were the pictures and stories that my mother told me about him. And one thing that she passed onto to me was his belief about death.

He believed that when you die, you should die on your feet. Facing it. Confronting it. Defiant to the last. Unafraid. Like a ninja. Like he ultimately did.

"No." I whispered.

"No." I growl as I force myself to take a stand.

"NO!" I shrieked as I stood my ground, even as it crumbled beneath me. "I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS!" I howled to the Void. "I have known pain and suffering, agony and torment, but **ACCEPTANCE?** NEVER!"

I felt a surge in me, a spurt of life bubbling up that I had not experienced since Hinata had told me of the Fall of Konoha. I flung my arms out. "COME ON THEN! COME AND FACE ME! I AM SAKURA HARUNO! THE IMMORTAL NINJA! THE UNDYING ONE! THE AQUAMANCER! THE LAST NINJA OF KONOHAGAKURE! INHERITOR OF THE WILL OF FIRE!"

Chakra flared around me as I raged against the Darkness seeking to envelop me. I lashed out as the force increased, seeking to drag me into the emptiness.

"IS THIS IT?" I laughed madly. The howling increased and the force redoubled and despite myself I found it pulling me slowly, inch by inch into the inky blackness.

"HA! I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!" I shrieked my defiance back as I fought to dig in to no avail.

Kyuubi grunted. **"Your arrogance will be the death of Everything. And to think that you believe that you can somehow change the past. That a mere dust mote can alter the course of history."**

"I WILL!"

"**Fool," **the Kyuubi muttered, shaking it's head.

I lost my footing but somehow clawed a handhold as the darkness was shrieking, straining to suck me into it's abyss. "I WILL CHANGE THE PAST! I WILL!" I rage, feeling like my arms will be pulled out of their sockets. "I … I have to..." I grunted out, "I promised…"

Then I lost my grip and I was flying. I swallowed hard and bowed my head and whispered a prayer to a God I had long ago rejected, tears pouring down my cheeks as I was enveloped within the blackness.

"**Well, goodbye fleshbag****,"** the Kyuubi said ruefully as he too was pulled into the Void. Suddenly the Void rippled. And began to twist and distort.

"**Huh."** The Kyuubi blinked in surprise. And watched as it began to spin. In reverse. Faster and faster. The Kyuubi grinned, his eyes narrowing and smirked. **"The entire species is insane. All of them. Still what do you know… guess I'll see you yesterday,"** it remarked thoughtfully. **"Heh. Maybe I'll get a chance to eat you yet, monkey … and your little blonde idiot too…"**

And then everything turned white.

* * *

…

…

…

* * *

Slowly I awoke. And frowned. I found myself submerged in some sort of liquid. I thrashed and tried to surface but I couldn't seem to find it. I was trapped in some sort of cocoon.

A very strange one at that. The walls were sort of … squishy? The walls seemed to shake and squeezed tighter. _What was going on?_ I don't remember this. Funny thing too, I was breathing normally. Normally, I'd have to use a chakra technique to extract oxygen from the water. _How was I surviving?_

I dimly hear screaming. A woman's screams. _What was going on—! _The entire cocoon squeezes me and I'm being thrust forward into some sort of tunnel. _**HEY!**_

Suddenly there is a dazzling white light and I'm blind. I'm being grabbed by some giant hands like an Akimichi and—and—_oh crap._

Some things you are not suppose to remember. Being born ranks right up there.

It was fortunate that any attempt at speaking on my part resulted in just screaming. Obviously, I would have to work on retraining my vocal cords. Because my instinctive response was to reprimand the medic nin who cut my umbilical cord for sloppiness; I had a feeling that my tongue lashing would have freaked them and my parents out.

In a few short minutes of cleaning me of the amniotic fluids and then some routine medical tests, they bundled me up and presented me to my mother. "Oh my God, look at her," my mother whispers, crooning softly at me as I stare back at her dumbly. _Wow, Mom looks so young._ And then I find myself looking at a face that I've only seen in photographs.

My father. He's staring at me like I'm some sort of strange, never-before-seen life form.

"Geez, she's so tiny," he remarks. Then he looks at Mom and continues, "I can't believe that little tiny thing came out of that huge belly you were sporting. Are you sure there isn't another one in there?"

"I'm sure idiot," Mom snarls and whacks him on the back of his head. _Huh. So that's where I picked up that habit from…_

Several of the medic nins were whispering and getting louder. I could feel my mother's heartbeat begin to pick up. "What's wrong?" she demands, craning her neck and trying to see. "Is something wrong with my baby?"

One of the senior medic nins shushes the others and approaches. "Nothing's wrong Mrs. Haruno. It's just … we normally take a scan of every newborn's chakra levels. It helps identify potential ninja candidates. And your daughter … well," he trails off and shrugs, "frankly, her chakra levels are off the charts really. She's has the highest level we've ever recorded in a newborn."

"So … so they're nothing wrong with her?"

"Nothing. She's fine. Perfectly fine actually," he assured her with a smile. "Just out of curiosity, have you decided on her name? I can fill out the birth certificate now if you like."

Suddenly my father speaks up. "Sakura. She looks like a Sakura."

I could feel my consciousness slipping away. My eyelids blink and lower themselves. Well, being born takes a lot out of you. Or being reborn as the case might be.

"I thought we were going to name her Aiko…" Mom remarks, "but I like it. Sakura. Sakura Haruno."

"I mean she looks like a sakura with that bright red skin," Dad chimes in helpfully.

But even as the darkness takes me, I have enough time to make a final epiphany.

A startling conclusion if you well.

I once questioned about the very existence of God. That is, if there really was one or if it was all just simply a figment of humanity's collective imagination.

I believed that any faith I once had was simply ground out of me due to my extended life span.

I could not believe in the concept of a deity.

Not anymore.

Now, I am absolutely convinced.

Without the slightest hint of reservation and uncertainty.

There is a God.

There has to be.

The Universe could not possibly have such a perverse sense of humor otherwise…

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

_Come to you across the divide_  
_Looking out a wrinkle in time_  
_There is nothing less I would do_  
_Than to stand up for truth_  
_In the cold dark ways of this lonely place_  
_I will warm you, hold you_  
_A gold shield glistens_  
_And your breath quickens_  
_I stand close by over you_  
_Two hands held strong and sure with the power of one_  
_Reaching out past the walls that can hold you_  
_We are guardians and warriors_  
_Come from somewhere to mind_  
_What creates you and shapes_  
_The Alchemy of Love_

_There is a chain of light up across the endless sky_  
_And I see the energy that reflects me in your eyes_  
_And keeps us both alive_  
_And keeps us both alive_  
_Even when the shadows will come_  
_To destroy what we have done_  
_But always will the power of love_  
_Shine a light bright as the sun_  
_When the cold dark lakes of the shore break_  
_I am around you, found you_  
_A gold sword fire and night expires_  
_A warm night surrounding you_  
_Two hands held strong and sure with the power of one_  
_Reaching out past the walls that can hold you_  
_We are guardians and warriors_  
_Come from somewhere to mind_  
_What creates you and shapes_  
_The Alchemy of Love_

_There is a chain of light up across the endless sky_  
_And I see the energy that reflect me in your eyes_  
_And keeps us both alive_  
_And keeps us both alive_  
_When the dark lakes of the shore break_  
_I'm around you, found you_  
_A gold shield glistens_  
_and you breath quickens_  
_I stand close by over you_  
_Two hands held strong and sure with the power of one_  
_Reaching out past the walls that can hold you_  
_We are guardians and warriors_  
_Come from somewhere to mind_  
_What creates you and shapes_  
_The Alchemy of Love_

_Two hands held strong and sure with the power of one_  
_Reaching out past the walls that can hold you_  
_We are guardians and warriors_  
_Come from somewhere to mind_  
_What creates you and shapes_  
_The Alchemy of Love_

~The Alchemy of Love~

by Christopher Franke

* * *

**A/N:** The above song lyrics is from the _Tenchi Muyo Movie: Tenchi Muyo in Love_ which I thought was an appropriate song to finish this chapter.


End file.
